If the questions people ask are any indication of what is important, the most important part of creating a life is how much that life weighs.After this momentous, life changing occurrence, the one question I am most often asked is, “How much did she weigh?”
I have decided that I do not care how much my baby weighed or how much anyone else’s baby weighs.Up until now, I have been happy to follow the birth reporting script.It goes:
“Candice gave birth to Juliet on Sunday.”
“Really, how much did she weigh?”
“Eight pounds and two ounces.”
“That’s a big girl.”
“Yup,”
Everyone is comfortable with the script.We stick to the script because the truth is overwhelming.
The truth is, watching someone you love go through labor for the first time is an experience that cannot be put into words.You will watch the person you care for the most, suffer the most excruciating pain, and there is nothing you can do about it.You will never feel so powerless.
You will watch the person you love, the same person who is too timid to ask a door-to-door newspaper salesman to leave, be tested - physically, mentally, and emotionally, in a way you will never be tested.She will be really tested, and she will pass the test with a strength you never knew she had.You will never be so proud.
After your baby is born, you will stare at her for long periods of time.Though she looks just like every other infant you have seen before, you do not see her the same way.She is deep, complex, mysterious.When you look at her, you see your own history that brought you to this point, you see your wife’s history, and you see how both your lives will be forever altered.You see life’s infinite potential, you see the Big Bang, you see atoms split, you see the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel where God is reaching out to Adam, you see buildings being built at stop-motion speed, you see your daughter as a dancer, a lab technician, a mother.
As powerful as this tiny spark of life is, as infinite the potential, you know that it is fragile. You will know that no matter how good of a parent you are, it will not be an effort worthy of the life you are charged with caring for.You are terrified to love something so much knowing that you will have to let it go.You have never seen anything so beautiful.You have never seen anything so beautiful.You have never seen anything so beautiful.While you are watching her, you pray that you will be distracted by some mundane task like changing a diaper or having to burp her.You know that unless you are distracted from the beauty and vastness of this young life, you will melt.
We talk about babies’ weights, so we can avoid talking about the weight of having a child.We confine our conversation to pounds and ounces because the real weight cannot be quantified.
Candice's story
It all started when I hit 41 weeks of pregnancy and was doing every old wives tale out there to try to get Juliet to come out. On Friday May 14th, I went to see a fertility acupuncturist to help hit some pressure points to induce labor. That night my mom came to town and we went to dinner with Dan's parents. All that night I had a funny pressure in my pelvic region and I had a feeling something might be starting.
At 3:30AM on the 15th, I woke up for the umpteenth time with contractions. I started timing my contractions at 3:51, and they were 6-7 minutes apart. At 5am I woke up Dan and told him the real deal was starting to happen. I took a warm bath to contemplate that it was all about to happen. At 7AM I woke up my mom and told her I had been having contractions and that I was going to call the Birthing Center.I talked to the midwife Vicky about what was going on. She said to head down to Austin when the contractions got to be 4-5 minutes apart and a minute to a minute and a half in length.
Mom, Dan, and I went out to eat breakfast, and then took the dogs to Mud Creek for a hike.We finally left for Austin at 1PM.My contractions were not closer together, but we thought we should head to Austin anyways. We watched a 2:30PM showing of Alice in Wonderland.When we got out, the contractions were still not closer together, so we headed to Noel and Pat's house. Stephanie and Colleen came over later and we all headed to “Serrano’s” to eat dinner. We were all excited but the contractions were still not getting closer.
At 10:30PM, I lost my mucus plug and we knew things would be happening soon! Around 11:30PM I attempted to get some sleep. I was uncomfortable and the contractions were gradually getting closer together and much more uncomfortable. Around 1:30 am 5/15/10, I woke up Dan and told him it was getting serious, so we started timing contractions and tried to get some sleep. Around 3:30AM the Birthing Center said I should come in and get checked out. When we showed up, I was 2-3 centimeters and 100% effaced. For the next several hours I was taking a warm shower, rocking in the rocking chair, trying to lay down in the bed.
Around 6AM I reached 4 centimeters which indicated the beginning of “active labor.” It is funny to think that up to this point I was not considered to be in “active labor.”It felt active to me. They let me get into the Jacuzzi tub and the jets felt great on my back.At 8AM there was a shift change and my new midwife was Lauren, whom I loved!At 9:30AM I was 5 centimeters and Dan took me briefly outside for a short walk. Both moms were supporting Dan and I.At 11PM Noel and Colleen showed up to give support and do what they could. Around 1PM the moms and friends all left to go get lunch and let Dan and I have some space.
At 1:30 I was still only 6 centimeters dilated.Lauren decided we could break my water at this point.I threw up a lot after this exam.Around 2:30PM Lauren gave me a mild pain killer.She explained that I would still feel everything, but it would not be as intense.The relief could last anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours. After 30 plus hours of labor, I was ready to get any relief. The relief was wonderful! I still felt the pain but it was sooo much more tolerable. I sat in the shower with hot water for the next 2 hours. Moms, Colleen, Noel and Stephanie all took turns tending to my needs while I was in the shower. They got me cold washcloths for my face and drinks to help me stay hydrated.
Around 3:30pm it was time for Lauren to check me out again. I was 9 1/2 centimeters dilated, so it was time to start pushing. At this point, I was so tired and in so much pain. I remembering not wanting to push knowing the pain would be there. I knew I was so close yet I was scared. The pushing began. First I was on the bed leaning against Dan with both moms, Lauren and the assistant there. The pushing was hard and I was ready for it to be over, but little did I know, I still had a long way to go. After some time on the bed, I stood up and Lauren had me squat with Dan supporting me. This was much more intense, but I felt we were making progress.
I did not know the sounds and screams that were coming out of me. I felt like a different person. The pushes were so painful that when I was not pushing, I removed myself from the situation and tried to escape what was really happening. It worked for a while. I would stay calm and quiet until the next contraction came and the pain returned. While I was pushing, people were holding my legs and pulling a rope with me while I pushed and others tried to keep me hydrated. After the squatting, I was placed on a labor stool, which kind of looks like a metal walker. Dan was sitting on a bench behind me and I got to lean again him.
After some time, which seemed like forever, Juliet's hair could be seen. The grandmas were so excited and told me that they saw dark hair. I just wanted Lauren to reach up and pull her out, but I knew she could not, so I continued to push and scream and sweat. Juliet's head finally came out, then after a few more pushes I had a baby on my chest and Dan’s arm wrapped around us both. I heard Dan cry a bit from behind me, but I was still in shock. I just gave birth to this person on my chestand I endured so much pain. Dan cut the cord and Juliet stayed on me for a while.
Colleen, Noel and Stephanie came in from the waiting room to see us moments after Juliet was born. We were all so happy that Juliet Olivia finally arrived at 5:46PM 5/16/10 after 38 long hours of labor. I was put into the bed and received 6 stitches while Dan and everyone got to hold our daughter. It was a wonderful ending to a very long day. Eventually she was weighed in at 8.2 pounds and was 20 inches long. Everything seemed great with her.
The moms went and got food while the girls departed. Joni, Sara, and Jenni stopped by to welcome the baby. Juliet came out with a head full of black hair with blond highlights and dark blue eyes. She is lovely and sweet and everything we could have asked for. After showering, resting, and going over how to take care of Juliet and myself, we were able to leave the birthing center 7 hours after Juliet's birth.
It was 1AM. Dan, my mom, Juliet, and I were all ready to head back to San Antonio. We arrived back at our house at 2:30AM. Andy and Estevan were staying at our house to watch the dogs until we returned. They both got to hold Juliet for a little while then it was time to breast feed and to go bed. We all slept well that night. I still cannot believe that Dan and I are parents. I have been dreaming about this for years and I am so glad that it has finally come true.
We had a wonderful birth (yes, long and painful, but wonderful). No medical equipment was needed for the baby or I.That was what we wanted from the beginning - a natural birth. We were in the lovely Victorian room at the birthing center, which is my favorite. Everyone at the center, family, and friends were incredible. Our midwife Lauren was just what I needed that day. She knew how to put me at ease and made everyone feel comfortable with what was going on.
I am so proud of that day. I am proud of myself for going through a natural birth even though almost everyone I met told me I would change my mind. I gave birth to a beautiful healthy girl and there was no hospital or IV's or anything needed to do it. I know I can put this under my belt as one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I can always look back at this and say,” If I can give birth naturally, then I can do whatever else needs to be done.” Of course, I may need Dan there to coach me along.
Now at 40 weeks and 4 days Juliet still does not want to come out. I am trying everything under the sun to help her come out but as my midwife has said my body is just not ready. Hopefully soon.
I went to the McNay Art Museum last week by myself to help distract me from my baby not wanting to come out.
Abbey Road had surgery last week, she had a tumor removed from her eye and had her anal glands treated, as they were infected.
On Friday August 30th (39 weeks), my nerves were running very high. I did not feel Juliet moving around like I normally do. Around 4:30pm I called my midwife to discuss the issue, she told me to drink lots of juice and caffeine, move around and she would call back at 5:00. When she called back I still had not felt her move. She wanted me to drive to Austin to get a non-stress test, to monitor the baby. Of course heading to Austin in traffic would have taken us 2 hours, so we went to a local hospital here that Dr. Ornes does rounds in. The nurses were very nice and got me all hooked up. Juliet was fine and after I was laying in the bed for a while she started moving around again. After being monitored for a hour and a half they dismissed me. So all is well, she must have just been in a deep sleep. Here due date is 4 days away and we are waiting and waiting for something to happen.
Day 1- all swaddled up with my owl friend
